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FangirlY’know, you really bring out the worst in me.

I like to think I’m a fairly sensible person; sometimes beyond my age, sometimes a little bit below –I admit it-. There’s not much about myself I take pride in, but my mind… my mind has always been one.  It’s been the one constant in my life that kept me from absolutely hating myself.

I was the one pushing gender boundaries at that epic, tender, oh so important age of 5, hanging out with the boys because of course they didn’t have cooties, don’t be stupid.

I was the one the teacher chose to help her with the other classmates. Well, with their sch
My DadWhen I was little, my dad was a superlative.

He was the strongest, the bravest, the most the best. No man could compete with him. He didn't just set the bar, no, my dad was the bar. He could do no wrong in my big youthful eyes.

When I became a teenager, my dad was nothing but wrong.
His expectations: wrong.
Means of discipline: wrong.
Opinions of my boyfriends: wrong.
And it was hard to understand how a man of such great stature could take such a fall. Especially to such a smart daughter like me, who was above the petty "ugh, my parents suck!" complaints of a typical teen. I, who searched for a higher understanding, could not possibly be at
RepetitionWhat's the point of a heart?

That it beats with all of its might within your ribs, pounding at your lungs until you can't breathe? That it stops every time something bothers the weakly firing neurons up past the rivers of your veins?

What does it pump through your weary limbs but the icy cold blood that's trudging from your broken valves? They weep and sigh and cut themselves off in a tragic mobius twist. And without an end, what purpose does that familiar slamming and throbbing have?

Just to remind you that it's there, one would think.

Or maybe the point of the heart is to bleed what it receives. To keep the fluid flowing. Just to keep t
Secrets ExposedHello to the reader whom is taking their time to read this.
I am merely writing this to express how sad, alone, and pathetically worthless I have been feeling.
Often, mostly during the night hours, I start to warp deep into thought and usually end up in mass depression. How I keep ending up in this state of mind is not so much of a mystery as I like to portray it to those I tell. To start off my explanation, I shall tell of today (Jun. 12, 2013).

On this particular day today, I was helping mother at her job in Oxbow Elementary. My hormones had been very out of whack. When I was helping her pack sunflower seeds for next day’s breakfast
Godly Relationships 7: Shared ValuesIf you're still searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, be patient, be prudent, and be picky. Look for someone whose values you respect, who behavior you approve of, and whose faith you admire. Remember that appearances can be deceiving and tempting. And when it comes to the important task of building a lifetime relationship with the guy or girl of your dreams, pray about it!
If you happen to be one of those very lucky ones who has already fallen madly in love with the same wonderful person who has already fallen madly in love with you, say a great thanks to the Matchmaker in heaven. But if you haven't yet found a soul-mate who honors both you and G
AffectionI miss affection.

I miss having the off chance of being hugged or even kissed when the moments were right.

I don’t like that it’s been so long since I’ve had that.

I think I deserve to have it, but I don’t get it.

I mean, we’re all human, we’re supposed to be able to thrive on social interaction and occasionally have meaningful relations through touch.

But I never got that out of either of my parents.

My father always asked why I recoiled back when he’d touch me or go near me; it’s because
I wasn’t used to him actually reaching out to me that way.

My mother was worse at it; I can c
Animal Rights Quote 4True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply from view), consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it.
  ~ Milan Kundera
SaviorPull me from this prism, and let my color loose. Cascade your words all through my mind, and watch me learn to live. Trace patterns in my chest with your delicate fingers, and I will give you everything. Surrender your lips unto me, and I will find my reason. If only you would meet my eyes, then maybe you could see. That I am not as lost as I appear to be.
You Are Already PerfectI hung up the phone and look down at the ground before looking up into my mirror.
Why do you like me?
Why do you love me?
You could have a million other girls, I’ve seen them look at you, so why me?
What’s so good about me?
Nothing.
I’m so ugly.
Why don’t you go off with someone who’s beautiful?
No, I don’t want you to leave me but I want you to be with someone who is good for you.
The only things that are beautiful on me are these lines.
All these red lines.
I’m so sick.
No I don’t like doing this but…
I guess I have no answer actually.
I walk to the bathroom and quietly close the d
SinkingThe tears sting more
When they refuse to fall
Hot, salty bullets of anguish.
Assaulting my eyes
As I try to forget.

I wake, like a brick wall
It's there in front of me,
Even in dreams,
I cannot escape.

Surrounded by people
I still feel lonely,
Drowning, suffocating in
The tormentor's shroud.

They don't see me,
I'm not even there.
Not really.
The happiness ended long ago.
I cannot reach the air above.
Sinking, falling, leaving.

Will I ever be visible again?
To even myself?
The cruel mirror lies,
It's image of an empty shell,
Its not me.
I'm not there.
I am broken.
Save me.
Please.
TrappedTrapped

Have you ever felt trapped? That feeling when something is happening and you can't breathe.
You can't move because there is nothing you can do. It's frightening. It's frightening when people argue and fight. It's unbearable when it happens right in front of you and you don't try to stop it.

I have never liked this feeling. I hate being powerless. I know I'll always have this urge to make things right. I'll always have the habit of pretending to be okay when I not. I'll always have the issue of pushing people when they want to help. I always ask myself..why do you pretend? I pretend because I don't want pity, I don't need people to
Father
My father is an ambulance. One of those old ambulances, the ones that have seen everything and are still running perfectly. The ambulance has faded paint, and numerous scratches that it has made little attempt to cover. The ambulance does not try to hide what it has done, and the things it has seen, but it does not go and broadcast such knowledge either. It simply drives around, and helps. Its interior is worn, and obviously well used. The tools and bandages are all arranged neatly in their spaces, well secured so as not to fall or get stolen. The seats in the cab are plain leather. Sturdy, long lasting, and strong. Constantly going around lo
Industrialized MindIndustrialized Mind

Turn it off.

It's the silence that eats away at your battery ripping into your bronze armor, drinking your oil.

During the day it's so easy to forget the long dark nights because people make so much noise. It's like an information overload. But when the day sinks into everlasting dusk the dead feeling beckons you, sticking to your skin like a crystallized blast freezer.

And then it begins.

The silence.

But it is never truly silent.

Every file is being analyzed, the gears are turning in your head as the machine belches smoke consuming the wilder land of your inner solace. Everything that has ever made you happy is no
My Best FriendI Can Never Tell You

There are so many things I wish I could say, but alas words can never seem to be enough…I know you’ll never read this, but then again, is that even the point?
I know you probably don’t even understand all you do to begin with, so it won’t really matter, because you’ll remain the same. You are, truly the best friend a person could have, the way you always listen, without any kind of judgment, you’re always there, and if you weren’t, well…I don’t really have much to say about that. You always seem to know if something is wrong, and you’re just there to help me
Embersthe embers die
darkness murders the shadows
stretch
shake blood matted fur
snear
only cut deep enough
to prove life

lope forward
trail branches
continue forward
my own path
nothing to fear
dull vision through the gaze
of the broken
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March 11, 2011
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gestern abend angefangen und gerade eben zu ende geschrieben.
dies ist ein sehr persönlicher und aktueller gedankenerguss und vielleicht findet sich der ein oder andere ja selbst darin wieder.


keine ahnung, wie ich es nennen soll, oder ob der titel eigentlich so gut ist, wie er ist.

:heart:
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:iconbloodemi:
~Bloodemi Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Die Zeit, ist das was Alles verändern wird. Entweder die Blumen gehen mit der Zeit ein oder wachsen zu einer noch schöneren Blume heran.

Schön geschrieben, wie Vieles von dir :)
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:iconlisa-schneider:
=Lisa-Schneider Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
wahre worte :nod: (:
danke dafür und auch für das liebe feedback, freut mich sehr! :heart:
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:iconbloodemi:
~Bloodemi Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
War mir ein Vergnügen :) Ich freu mich genauso über Feedbacks, selbst wenn sie nicht so positiv sind :P
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:iconlisa-schneider:
=Lisa-Schneider Mar 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:heart:!
ja, ich weiß :aww: zu gegebener zeit und wenn mir danach ist, werde ich dir schon was schreiben *g*
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:iconmiuumiu:
~miuumiu Mar 12, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
du schreibst so, als wäre man live dabei.. einfach unbeschreiblich schön wie du schreibst. du hast wirklich talent, liebes :heart:
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:iconlisa-schneider:
=Lisa-Schneider Mar 14, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
wow, tausend dank für das liebe feedback süße! :blowkiss:
schön, dass du das so siehst <3 (:
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:iconfr4gster:
~Fr4gster Mar 12, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Du beschreibst in wunderschöner Weise so viele Dinge, die ich mir auch permanent denke (oder die ich wahrnehme). Einfach toll ausgedrückt! :heart: :)
Reply
:iconlisa-schneider:
=Lisa-Schneider Mar 14, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
schön, dass dir mein geschriebenes gefällt! da freu ich mich immer ganz besonders drüber! <3 es gibt wohl kein größeres kompliment, als das, dass man andere mit dem, was man fabriziert hat, andere erreichen konnte und einfach mal das auf den punkt gebracht zu haben, was man fühlt. und auch andere fühlen. oder einfach nur zum nachdenken bringt.
und dann stellt man fest, dass man nicht allein ist mit allem und irgendwie ist das tröstend, schön und traurig zugleich!

ich danke dir wirklich aus vollem herzen für dieses schöne feedback, ich freu mich sehr darüber! :heart:
Reply
:iconfr4gster:
~Fr4gster Mar 23, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh ja, das Gefühl kenn ich. Einerseits ist es zwar beruhigend, dass es einem nicht alleine so oder so geht, aber andererseits macht's das ja eigentlich auch nicht besser, wenn Andere auch so empfinden "müssen". Hmm.
Trotzdem schön, wenn jemand irgendwelche Sachverhalte oder Beobachtungen oder meinetwegen auch einfach "nur" persönliche Wahrnehmung so wunderbar in Worte verpacken kann. Wenn man sich Wort für Wort und Zeile für Zeile irgendwie wiedererkennt. :heart:
Und man sich vorkommt, als würde man gerade in seinem eigenen Hirn lesen. :D

Also keine Ursache mit dem Feedback. Genaugenommen habe eher ich zu danken. ;)
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:iconlisa-schneider:
=Lisa-Schneider Mar 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
stimmt. es macht es nicht besser, höchstens erträglicher und vllt einfach weniger schlimm. schlecht in worte zu packen eben :aww: aber ich seh ja schon, dass es dir da sehr ähnlich geht, von dem her vverstehst du das schon.
und dennoch hab mal wieder ich dir zu danken. keine ahnung, wie oft ich mir deine antwort hier schon durchgelesen habe. :heart: ich freu mich jedenfalls sehr darüber, dass du deine gedanken mit mir/uns hier teilst...tut irgendwie gut und überhaupt! (: <3

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